All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.
William Shakespeare’s quote from “As You Like It” sums up life pretty well and the last line reminds me of what it means to be a parent, being a person who plays so many parts.
Cook, cleaner, housekeeper, engineer, scribe, reader, entertainer, educator, instructor, companion, best-friend, cheerleader, chauffeur, therapist, problem solver, motivator, psychologist and at times, amateur sleuth.
I am sure there is more to add.
The role of a parent is certainly diverse and so it is absolutely fine to not be an expert in all areas – and learning on the job is expected.
In this game of life, as parents, we truly are players of multiple parts – but when does that start, when do you go from being “you” to being “parent” and what does it mean to have your “parent mode activated”.
For some people, “Parent Mode” starts when they first pee on the stick, or see the first scan, or feel the first kicks or when they get to hold their baby for the first time. For others it takes time to bond, to perhaps wade through their own childhood trauma to enable them to access this new relationship, and for others, a tricky birth, an unplanned or traumatic pregnancy or postnatal depression can all hold up or prevent those hormone-driven feelings to develop.
“Parent Mode” is not about being gushy or soft – it is a powerful state of mind. An unquestionable strength that comes from within and enables mothers across many species to instinctively protect their young from potential harm.
For many families, life is one constant risk and fight or flight can be a daily state of mind. This can put you in constant “Parent Mode” – it can also be exhausting and make “Parent Mode” shut down.
For others, life can feel relatively safe with food on the table, a safe neighbourhood to walk in and a supportive family on hand.
For some, “Parent Mode” can come and go. It can kick in, then fear (usually) takes over and overrides it. Fear of the unknown, of getting it wrong, of making a mistake.
But what of the unexpected dangers?
Every game has them – the holes in the ground that appear or the ghostly character that was hiding in the shadows. Did you notice them? And how do you fight them?
This is not just the world of make-believe; we have them in real life too.
“Parent Mode” is exactly what you need when those unexpected situations happen, when your child is suddenly being bullied, when additional needs are identified, when behaviour becomes unmanageable, when school stops meeting needs, or simply when you realise that you need to do things differently, at any point, for any reason.
Whatever the reason for your battle – “Parent Mode” is there to assist.
But (I hear you ask):
“I have sat in meetings with the head teacher, I have met with the SENCO, I have complained to my MP, I have recorded details of everything.
I am still helpless. My child is still suffering.
I don’t have anything activated – “Mode” or otherwise.”
Thankfully, this is totally to be expected.
You see the “game maker” (let’s call them the Government for argument’s sake). They want you playing the “game” their way. They throw in some tricks and surprises to ensure you don’t complete the level too quickly.
In a game, you might not have discovered a secret password or an item which unlocks your powers or helps you to “level up”.
In life, you might not have been empowered to realise how strong you are, you might have had a tough time at school yourself, or perhaps no one ever told you that they believed in you.
Maybe you just feel utterly alone and lost in a system that for whatever reason, is working against you.
Now whilst that sounds all a bit negative and hopeless. I have good news.
You see there is a “cheat code”. Something that can bypass all the stuff that has gone on before and something that can overwrite the existing narrative.
It is called COMMUNITY.
And whatever you are going through – I promise you – you are not alone.
There will be 1, 2, 3 probably 100,s or even 1000’s of people going through what you are going through. And they believe in you. They want you to win. And they can support you as you lean into your own version of “Parent Mode” – the one that works for you and your family.
They want to see your “Parent Mode” activated.
On Saturday 24th May I will be in Coventry, five minutes from the train station, to kick off an event which will provide just that to parents who want to do things differently. Parents who are disappointed by our Government’s policies on children, disillusioned with our education system, fighting schools over unmet SEND needs and parents who have, or are considering, choosing home education as a temporary or ongoing solution.
I am championing this event as it is grassroots, it is as cheap as it can be made, and it is rammed with incredible people who are varied, experienced and most of all, passionate about supporting parents and young people to be health, happy and to be equipped to “win” the game.
If your Parent mode is activated or not – come along and I can guarantee, you will leave feeling turbo charged and ready for whatever challenges (and joyful times) you have ahead.
Come and hear more from Jenn on this subject at the Learn Free Conference on Saturday 24 May 2025 in Coventry, UK.