by Heidi Steel

When we first decided to unschool our children we knew that we were doing education  differently.  

We weren’t following a curriculum.  

We weren’t requiring our children to listen to stories every day. 

We weren’t hurrying from one activity to another.  

There were a lot of things that we weren’t doing that every other family around us seemed to be busying themselves with, and had an opinion on that they expressed (often loudly). 

In those early days, we didn’t know anyone else who was home educating, and certainly no one  else who was unschooling. Those early days of decision making, isolated by families who had chosen school, and finding ourselves choosing an entirely different approach to life and learning, felt lonely.  

I wonder what possessed us to keep going. To persevere. To even begin on this path.  

The answer is conviction. Maybe strength. My mother might say, “pig headedness,” I might say,  “determination”. 

Reasons 

Our decision to unschool was twofold.  

It came from my own background in teaching where I witnessed first-hand the detrimental  effects of the school system in a myriad of ways. Children separated from their families.  Children pitted against each other with competition, and grading. Children being bullied.  Children in places that are too loud, too busy, too restrictive, and not built for young bodies and  minds. My background in Early Years Education had shown me that children are fully capable of  learning on their own terms, namely through play, and that direct teaching was unnecessary.  

As a family, we had also adopted a conscious parenting approach. Arguably, doing things differently wasn’t new to us. For the purpose of deciding not to send our children to  school, it meant that we could continue to be responsive to our children’s needs and nurture  our core relationships within the family. 

We were strong in our reasons to unschool. We knew why we had chosen this route. We knew  what principles underpinned our decisions.

Research 

In those early days, I read books about unschooling. As someone interested in education, I was  familiar with different learning approaches and well versed in academic knowledge on the  subject. Unschooling was new to me though. Learning within the context of the family, the  practicalities of multiple children, different ages and stages, different interests and needs, and  no outside expectation of what they should be learning and when, was mind blowing.  

I had a clear idea that children could learn following their own interests but didn’t know what to  do when those interests were Pokemon and Lego rather than ‘Special People,’ or ‘Ways we  Travel’ or ‘The Great Fire of London,’ (all projects that I was familiar with in schools). I didn’t know  what to do when they started working on something, like building a castle with cardboard boxes,  or telling a story but didn’t finish it. I didn’t know what to do when they said they wanted to go  swimming or bake a cake or read a book and then they changed their mind. I had no reference  point for what child development and play looked like beyond the age of five or without the  interference of school. 

Books and podcasts helped with this unknowing, unlearning what I thought I knew, and relearning what a life without school really meant.  

Relationships 

Right from the start we prioritised relationships and community. I was fortunate that the first two  home educating families I met were unschoolers. We were immersed in community from  the start, getting together for park days, beach days, and days in the woods, swimming, nature walks, play dates, museum visits. We have shared physical resources and information, but more than this we have been held through the times when we are not sure and  learnt from those who have gone before us. Real life people who have dug in the dirt of  unschooling, come up covered in mud but still smiling.  

Community isn’t just for our children, it is also for us. Finding the strength to unschool shouldn’t  be about standing on your own against the world. Community strengthens us in other ways, a  place to lean when we wobble, a place to mull over ideas from an unschooling perspective, a place to be free from interrogation. 

We equipped ourselves with reasons, research, and relationships. 

Not all at once. But as I reflect now, I can see that these are some of the elements that gave us  the strength to unschool and to continue to unschool, even when we weren’t sure what we were  doing, or how to do it, or what would happen next.  

I was invited to write about the strength that it takes to unschool. And I thought about the  strength of the conviction that underpins the choices that we make. But really, to me, it is more  like the softness of inner knowing. Knowing that this is how we want to live our life today, in this moment. This is the right choice for us and how we want to respond to our child as we face this one decision, here in front of us. To turn towards relationships over expectations, presence over performance, softness in strength.  

Becoming clear in what you are doing and why will make one decision at a time clearer. And for today, that is enough.  

Author Bio 

Heidi Steel is the founder of Live Play Learn and the Unschooling Village Hub, and author of the  book School Isn’t for Everyone and What You Can Do Instead: A Practical and Neuro-Affirming Guide to Unschooling. 

She has over 14 years of hands-on experience as an unschooling parent of four always  unschooled children. Heidi shares a practical, down-to-earth approach that builds connection, trust, and a lifelong love of learning. 

Throughout the resources and community she hosts for unschooling families, you can find  support to step away from traditional education systems, and guidance and reassurance to  create learning environments that truly work for their families. 

Heidi’s work is rooted in the belief that children learn best when they are trusted and given the  space to follow their natural curiosity.